死亡

忙;盲;茫.

我生活很忙，我方向很茫，连我的心也盲了。现在，其实真的很累...凌晨的3.41分，拖着疲惫不堪的身心，我仍然想记录下心头的点滴。

我病了...这病菌从心里头蔓延了出来穿透了我的身心。或许只有病的时候才能理所当然的任性，但我还是不能。

昨天，我想我当了别人眼中的傻子了...。昨天，是他的生日。我从我家，带了一个蛋糕给他...。和他的朋友计划好，要给一个惊喜他，让他有个开心的19岁生日。在去的巴士上，我脑里闪过许多片断...也想着数百种的生日贺词...想着他惊喜的样子，想着他开心微笑的笑容。

差不多一个小时，拖着病着的身躯，我到达了目的地。离约定的时间还有半个小时，我决定联络他的朋友。我怎么也没想到...想了近百种的场面...竟然都没出现。迎接我的，反而是伤心。原来，他们取消了饭局。但，我已经在那里。

直到了消息后， 我慌了。走在不熟悉的街头上，我手上拿着蛋糕盒...不知所措地徘徊着。我终于...觉得很累。泪水，从心头涌上眼眶...我却还坚持地忍着。慌张地拨电话给kosugi,kitkit...其实只是想听把熟悉的声音安定自己的心.

我还是失望了...后来，我打算回家。但，看着手上的蛋糕，我犹豫了。拨电话给他，我要他来拿蛋糕...不会延误他许多时间。但，他要我等。说他吃完东西后，就会来。

我可以把自己当成一个普通的女孩吗？...很多人似乎不这样对待我。

那个晚上，一个女孩，拿着蛋糕，冒着病，在陌生的地方，孤独的等待。

我走到附近的mamak store...点杯咖啡，呆呆地等着。

时间缓缓的过去...我觉得我越来越冷。好像死了...那颗伤痕累累的心。后来，他朋友来载我前往他们吃饭的地点，以我的性格，我本来会破口大骂的...

but i ad felt that i was very tired....was a deep tired...i dint care anything anymore...i passed the cake to his frend and just ask him passed to him...

there were 10 o'clock at nite... i came with alone and also bck with alone, but I think i had brought a thing on the way i am bck...tat was sadness and disspointed. 

The way tat i walked was very quiet and dark...got many indian man at there sumore...and i found that...the bus services time ad end...

what to do ? 

I walked to KTM station...luckly the last trip of the KTM havent come on tat time...and finally...i bck to home with safety because of the hepled of my frend...

but...

who can tell me...how do i recover my heart...?

I am jz a ordinary girl...y u all cant treat me like u treat others?

Pyo are not stronger anymore....

hurt...hurt...hurt...and keep hurt...

not him...not her...are u all...are this world.

can stop it?...i cant assume anymore